Friday, September 5, 2008

Not in the trophy mom club

I have long since known that I am not a trophy mom.

You know the ones I'm talking about. They look like they are completely dressed and ready to go to a great cocktail party at eight A.M. every morning. They usually have two kids (anymore than that and it tends to make it hard to remain a trophy mom) because one kid isn't enough to get you into the trophy mom club. And if there was a way for them to be gender specific they would try and have a boy and girl each. And well their kids are always dressed in clean name brand clothes. Did I mention that they are always clean? They never let their kids get dirty and usually have them enrolled in one or two activities each (but only if they can drop off their kids). They have perfectly manicured fingers and toes and their roots never show. They usually drive way to big SUV's or else sporty little cars like BMW's. And the trophy mom must always be a stay at home mom. It doesn't matter if her kids are both in school all day long. That is a requirement otherwise you have to forfeit your membership. And they usually have a Starbucks coffee(venti) in their hands.

So now that you know who I'm talking about you will completely understand how I'm not in the trophy mom club.

1. I have to many kids.
2. My kids are almost never in name brand clothes unless they were given to me by a friend as a hand me down.
3. My kids are always dirty, within seconds after a bath or getting dressed you would find something on them that would automatically disqualify me from the trophy mom club.
4. My van is now considered old and there is nothing sporty about it. However it does hold all my kids comfortably so that's a plus.
5. I am very seldom dressed and ready to go to a cocktail party at eight am. That's usually the time of day I'm driving my kids to school in my nightgown (And just for the record school starts here at eight so yes we are always running late in our house).
6. I can't really keep up with my nails so much. My roots however I never have to worry about. That's because I still have my original brown hair with lots of gray making an appearance these days.

No, I am definitely not in the trophy mom club. I am in the unnamed mom's club that has to many things going on to deal with all the requirements of the trophy mom club. I show up to school functions with an oily face that has long since lost track of any makeup. I may or may not be wearing clothes that have boogers on them courtesy of one of my children. I'm in the mom's club where as much as I would like to help out with my children's classrooms it's hard to do because I always have one or two in tow with me. And no, I can't guarantee that they will behave perfectly. So instead I send things to school or do things that don't require my actual presence. I pay dues in the PTA program but have yet to actually make it to a meeting. I don't get to serve as homeroom mom because of this.

I'm in the mom's club that lets her kids eat breakfast at school because it's easier some days. And in all honesty if it weren't for that my poor kids would probably get a cold breakfast most mornings. I love my kids, ALL of them. And yes, I do all know their names and the names of their teachers. I know when their lunch accounts are running low and need money. And although it may look otherwise some days, my kids do start out the day clean.

So please don't judge me by my appearance or by how many kids are getting out of my van in the drop off line in the morning. I already know it takes us longer to get unloaded but just for the record I am car pooling so technically they aren't all my kids you see. Just most of them belong to me.

One day, when my youngest goes off to school I may actually qualify to join the trophy mom club. And I may do it and run for office (because I'm convinced they have secret meetings and elected officials). I'll become the president of the trophy mom club and it will be all downhill from there. I'll show up to meetings in my nightgown and no makeup and take control. Before long the trophy club moms will all look like the rest of us moms out there just doing the best we can and the best we know how.

But just to fit in, I may have to go out and buy me venti Starbucks coffee.


Kellan said...

Secret meetings and elected officials - ACK! That was funny. I have too many kids too and a big blue van!

Have a good weekend - Kellan

Heather said...

amen to that!

Anonymous said...

So funny! I am right there with you. If I have on makeup and decent clothes, my kids ask if we are going to church! :)

nicole said...

You are funny. I hate that it is hard to do things in the classroom. I am helping out a little bit this year, but only because I have friends/college kids to help out with the kids. If there is something you really want to do, let me know and I can probably watch the girls. :)

Anonymous said...

Well I'm definately not a trophy mom either. I do have the necessary gender specific one of each, but my kids get dirty within 10 minutes of having a bath and I always look like I've just come out of a tornado. So forget the trophy moms. I say let's start our own club and you can be president, boogers on your clothes and all...LOL