Tuesday, February 13, 2007

A Sleepless Night

As a mom of four, it seems like I never get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. Especially since the baby will still wake up during the night when she is teething. Most nights when we are up I am in a very drowsy mood myself and will tend to nod off while we nurse. But there are some nights like last night when I am completely alert. I hear all the quiet noises that are going on in my sleeping house and I am very in tune with what my nursing baby is doing. It just seems unbelieavable to me how much she has changed since we brought her home from the hospital. She is now hanging off my lap and her hands are still tiny, but I can tell how big they have gotten. But some things are still the same. She still tries to curl up in my arms as best as she can so she can be as close to me as possible. It was this that got me to thinking how fast time really is moving. I remember doing the same thing with my eight (almost nine) year old along with my four and two year old. Now they are all so darn independent (not to mention way to big to fit on my lap) and I miss those sweet little moments from when they were babies. Before I know it my baby now will soon be sleeping through the night like her brothers and sister and I will once again get a full night sleep. But my heart aches at the idea of losing this time in life with my youngest. I know that once we have passed that milestone we probably will never see it again and I will never be needed in that way again by any of my children. I know my children will always love me and need me and there will even be more nights with all of them when they are sick and we are up together at night. But, it will never again be the peaceful sleep of a baby's unconditional love and faith in me that I will hold in my arms. So here I am tired and exhausted and wishing for another sleepless night because I am not quite ready to move onto that next phase of a full night's sleep.

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